Thursday, January 29, 2009

Dear Jennifer Aniston























Dear Jennifer Aniston, what is going on in this picture? I don't understand the hand thing. Is it simply to cover your nipples? You look so much like a hairless tanned squirrel with a tie. I think guys like this look. Limber and energetic! I've noticed guys have no problems with naked girls looking silly. They think it's hot. Naked squirrel girls=hotness!

Is the squirrel look the next big thing? Here's Henrik, a guy who used to go to my high school. He's very successful and as you can see, he rocks the squirrel look. Rocks it! He's even got foods in his successful little hands. He's been blogged by Sweden's foremost male style blogger who says Henrik is wearing a Gap hoodie, proving once again that to be a successful fashion blogger, you don't have to be able to read. Henriks new wife has a blog (in Swedish, sorry foreigners), that is so funny it should be successful too. I'm thinking that maybe if I write successful this many times, it will rub off on me. 

Dear readers, did you ever

Win a prize?
I don't think I've ever won a prize. Unless you count that one time when I was 12 and brought home a silver medal for speedwalking in school. I think there were just two contestants. So you do the math. 

I would so love to win a prize. Did you ever? If so for what?


Dear people who make freezers

Dear people who make freezers, when you leave stuff in the freezer for a while (a few months or so) and you have a bite and it tastes like...like freezer, then exactly what makes up that freezer taste? ozone unfriendly gases?

DEAR SAMUEL























Finally I find your diary online. Welcome to our times, I will always love you.
-the end consumer

ps. If you've forgotten why Pepys is always a man for any time, read this

Dear Banksy


















Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Dear readers, listen with me.

You must listen to this. So funny. 
Have written to Jonathan Goldstein to request pictures of Jackie and Maureen, then and now. 

Dear Jonathan Goldstein, it is with much laughter and enjoyment we have listened to your segment in "The allure of the mean friend."

But we also feel we need to know what maureen and jackie looked like, then and now.


This is no joke, but a sincere request from your listeners. That feathered hair must be seen.
(also, if possible, a picture/drawing of your friend as he interviewed maureen. or a picture of a tick on a flea on a dog)

-the end consumer & friends.


http://lftec.blogspot.com/




Dear possessive babies

I feel we need to talk. 

1. So the planet, the ocean and the forest are all yours now? What happened to "not owning but looking after for the next generation"? That includes you even if you're currently the youngest generation around. 

2. Let's make a deal: you quit those disposable diapers and start going to the bathroom like other responsible people. Do you know how much waste diapers add to environmental problems?

3. Quit dripping and spilling on your clothes so we can cut down on laundry. And finish all your food. 

4. Isn't it time you started talking too, instead of letting your self congratulatory parents put messages on your belly? Messages printed by one of the giant chains that encourage people to buy clothes so cheap they may only use them once or twice? 

That's all for now. 

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Sweden in the afternoon



It's like the lamps almost can't stand it either. They're so weak, weak. It's so dark dark dark.

A moving tribute to ACNE from the end consumer

Looking for Russian women



























If you googled "Looking for Russian women" and ended up here, you might be disappointed. Unless you're also reading Pushkin's button and wanted more pictures of Natalya Pushkina and her kin. Then you're in luck.
Lots of rich, long dead Russian women here!

Monday, January 26, 2009

Dear Metropolitan museum of art






















So so so happy I will soon get to see you in person, although I'm missing the exhibition Art and love in renaissance Italy. 

Pictured above is an item from that very exhibition. It's a childbirth tray with the inscription:
QUESTO SI FE A DI XXV DAPRILE NEL MILLE QUATTROCENTO VENTOTTO (This was made on the 25th of April, 1428); on reverse: FACCIA IDDIO SANA OGNI DONNA CHFFIGLIA EPADRI LORO . . . RO . . . ERNATO SIA SANZA NOIA ORICHDIA ISONO UNBANBOLIN CHESULI . . . A DIMORO FO LAPISCIA DARIENTO EDORO (May God give health to every woman who gives birth and to the child's father . . . may [the child] be born without fatigue or danger. I am a baby who lives on a [rock] . . . and I make urine of silver and gold.)


That's not the kind of babies I have. But man, would I like to have a child peeing silver and gold right now. As long as it wouldn't hurt them.

Sunday, January 25, 2009

Dear readers, read with me.


















Last year, I declared I would quit quitting halfways  - no more books read only halfway, unfinished knitting, big ideas never to be fulfilled. 

That didn't happen. 

My mom, the psychiatrist said "of course not. your resolution was too fuzzy. The subconscious doesn't understand negations". 

So this year, my resolution is simple: To complete. 
And so I invite you to join me as I vow to finish reading the above 3 books I've been meaning to read forever. 

Lolita. Because only aging women like me (us) are as interested in the state of perfect nymphettes as is Humbert Humbert. Though you all know, that if I do have fire in my loins, it's not caused by a Lolita but by Acne.

Pushkin's Button. Duels, balls, poets, beauty. And it's all real! 

Woman of Rome. Because if you're like me, you want to know more about Elsa Morante. 

are you with me, subconscious? is this clear enough to you?Compute: COMPLETE. 

Thursday, January 22, 2009

Dear ACNE - update III























Dear Acne, since we last spoke, I've really been working your jeans. I've treated them to museum visits, knee bends, restaurant visits and fitting rooms. I've also taken them on the subway. They're a lot better now and as I've proudly stated previously, I can now button them without the help of others. 




Soon comes the big test when I will show you the difference between the jeans that fit perfectly in the store vs. the pair that forced me to get assistance just to put them on.

Dear Obama

This is how we celebrated your inauguration day.


Back to the crime scene



Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Dear Leonardo























Dear Leonardo, it's too bad you're not around today, the beautiful lighting in the bathroom at the Modern Museum of art in Stockholm makes the diaper session a renaissance experience. Look at the beautiful shining toilet paper - a metaphor as valid as any flower - here today, gone tomorrow.

1



2



3



Monday, January 19, 2009

Dear dope pusher


Headline reads: Poetry might bring down dope pusher. But to me, your main offence was not selling drugs but really your poor poetry. "Buy from me your hasch cause I need your cash."

Sunday, January 18, 2009

Over at runwithe.blogspot.com

New challenge starting soon if you want to run with me. By yourself. Wherever you are. More info over at runwithe.blogspot.com

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Dear readers






































Another day in my life. I can recommend those masks. They come in many colours, add spice to your life and double as some kind of reality shield. If you're in need of one, talk to nina (nina@designdirection.se). Egil made them. He's a genius.

Dear dad


Running into you is always great, but to find you like this, covered in sugar, enjoying a vanilla pastry heart beats most encounters.

Ps. Even better, as I told my mom, the doctor, about meeting you like this she smiled and honestly said "I'm so glad he's finally taking good care of himself".  No hint of irony, she really meant it. She meant that it's good you're pausing to enjoy life. I think this is how you've stayed together for 40+ years. Both wanting the other to have a great time. And lots of pastries. 

restaurants that love food (In stockholm)


















nationalmuseum. so great!

Messy life























My friend Thomas has a blog with beautiful pictures from his life with wife and four kids. Still life pictures from a messy life. Created by fate/chance/kids/lack of time. 
This one is called arctic drama in the bedroom. 

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

dear ice cube

fear not, it seems your music appeals to the next generation as well.

dear ice cube


as part of educating the younger generation, we're starting with fundamentals.
my child now knows your name.and though she can't yet pronounce it she didn't have to use her AK. I guess it was a good day.

Monday, January 12, 2009

Dear ACNE - update II


















Day 3.
I can now button them myself, standing up!

ps. Yes I know. Gaza, layoffs, Indonesian ferry disasters. But life is complex. I will not cease to cherish the little things just because the world is constantly in a terrible state.

The end consumer moves!



Staying at home, taken hostage by small book loving individual who refuses to do anything but listen to this song and dance, I surrender to the situation on one condition:that you share this moment of house arrest with me.

Sunday, January 11, 2009

Look here



















I was born in the wrong century


I know, few (if any) people came out of the 19th century untouched by death, misery, disease, poor diets, fires, colonialism, gender based/class based oppression or burning their hair off trying to look cute in curls. But the clothes!

add to horror:
typhoid fever, jack the ripper, cholera, syphilis, childbed fever, old skool dentistry, surgery sans anesthesia and not a single filmed Jane Austen adaptation.

Friday, January 9, 2009

Dear Einstein



















Dear Albert. Remember saying that "the most incomprehensible thing about the universe is that it is comprehensible"? At least every other waken hour I think about the universe and try to understand it - only to fail miserably with added anxiety as the unwanted result. It may be comprehensible, but not to me. I thought for a moment that you had said "the most incomprehensible thing about the universe is that it is incomprehensible". Somehow, I felt that more relaxing.

Dear unfathomably optimistic child

Dear unfathomably optimistic child, I love how when I asked you yesterday what your favourite food was, you instantly replied "the one we're just about to eat" without even knowing what I'd ordered for you.

Dear ACNE - update

I was going out on a date yesterday and thought I'd wear my new jeans. It would serve a double purpose: I'd break them in even more and they do look great. 

Until I realized I wouldn't be able to go to the bathroom at all for the entire evening. Or I could go, but I wouldn't be able to button my jeans again. I need to lay down to button. Or help from an ACNE sales person.

I never had such a challenge restrict/decide my choice of clothing before. 

I like it. 

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Life with kids














Joel thinks Kung Fu Panda is really Kung Fru Panda. 
King Wife Panda. 

this morning he told me:
First you become a king, then a wife. 

You've got that right, son.

Restaurants that hate food (In stockholm)























Stadsmuseets cafe. 
I give you two words

Overpriced. Undercooked.

Dear ACNE























All this running has made me a person in need of better fitting jeans. 
As I'm currently poor, I rejoiced in the fact that ACNE has a 40% off sale. 

I asked the shop girl how to find a pair of jeans that fit as well as hers. 
"buy em tight. I mean real tight. When I first put these on, I needed two people just to help me button them. Then I was in pain for 2 days, but after that, they've been perfect."

She made it seem so worth it. 
She handed me a pair of jeans and told me to holler when time came to button up. 
I wiggled wiggled wiggled and hollered. 
She came and stood behind me, very close. 
She held my jeans and said

"At the count of three, I will pull up the jeans as you pull up the zipper, I will then button". 

and there we are. in three days I will tell you if it was worth it. but ACNE; I want you to know that you have the most dedicated and helpful staff I've come across in a long time. 

-the end consumer

The young commuter



Friday, January 2, 2009

Dear readers/dear Albert & Jacks

Dear readers, yesterday anders and I went to a really nice kind of fancy deli in Stockholm called Albert & Jacks. I took a picture cause I wanted to share this with you, but the man behind the counter told me people steal their interior decorating ideas. I'm serious. he was very serious. it's an interior decorating war out there!

if you're planning a trip to stockholm and would like to know what albert & jacks looks like, mail me and I'll share the view with you. if you promise not to steal any decorating tips!

The world is a friendly place, sometimes





Ok, for those of you who don't speak Sweeedish, this is what the sign at my local bus stop says:
"What a fantastic day! Today I'm treating you to fruit and bananas. Be well and be happy!".



No clue was given to the true identity of our benefactor. We helped ourselves to clementines and wondered about the bananas, none were left. Equally puzzling was the message: fruit and bananas. Did the giver not count bananas as fruits? Why not?

Thursday, January 1, 2009

Dear old dutch painter














Dear old Dutch painter, I'm continuing in your tradition.



Dear hemmafru


















question: which fur hat cooks, which one eats?
which was a very grateful guest at the other ones new year's dinner?
soon I will write about stuff that make me angry, upset or annoyed, this blog is getting a little too lucky happy, isn't it?

ps. you know I hate margot. 

ps 2. Sara (ibland Albin), mössan hittar du i vuxenstorlekar på naturkompaniet. I LOVE IT!