Friday, May 30, 2008

Dear Göteborgskex

Dear Göteborgskex, when a family makes an outing and the much anticipated cookie time arrives....
...many (small, hungry, loud) people are disappointed when the cookies look like this:

That package was new! We kept digging deeper and deeper for whole cookies! To no avail.
Not even Superman could help us. But it felt safe to have him nearby.

Thursday, May 29, 2008

Dear Nike

Dear Nike, I bought your Nike+ stuff for a job. Now I'm quite astonished to find myself wanting to run on a regular basis.
I want to get stronger, faster, better.

And because it's 2008, I'm starting another silly blog to write about this.
If you're an unfit person and want to get running with me, go here.
Perhaps I should write in Swedish?
Or are there any anglo speaking unfit people out there who want to run with me?

tell me! Svenska? English?

I'm like the wind. Catch me if you can.

Dear Marc Jacobs

Dear Marc Jacobs, remember when I showed you the road to Vanja's preschool? Here's an additional pic. A few years later, she's heading in the opposite direction. This pic was taken about 8 pm. With all this sunlight, it's hard convincing the kids that it's really night and time for bed.


Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Dear Filippa K part due

Dear Filippa K , yesterday when I went to see if you had any non-silk pants I tried on a pair of very slim capris. They fit reasonably well, as did a pair of jeans I tried on. But they weren't 100 %.

Frustrated with the plight of buying pants for my post-pregnant self, I muttered to your salesperson "I hate buying pants. It sucks. It's horrible."

You know what she did? She smiled and said, mysteriously: "It will get easier".
Filled with new hope, I said "You really think so?"
"Yes" she said, but did not care to elaborate.

What did she mean? Is there a truth about pant buying I don't know? It will get easier! Or is this just something you teach your employees? It worked for me! I didn't buy pants, but I will return to the store. A source of new optimism.

cheerful greetings
-the end consumer

Ps. Have decided to perhaps give up the quest for finding pants and give the money to doctors without borders instead. From copywriters without pants.

Ps2. I'd buy anything that model would model. I feel we look alike, because we have the same hair length. So anything she looks great in, I might. This is how the distorted brains of your end consumers work. Thought you'd might like to know.

Monday, May 26, 2008

Preview of coming attractions

She has her father's eyes and her mother's hair.

Dear man of the house

Dear man of the house, I'm afraid my aversion to direct sunlight is a dominant hereditary trait.
-the end consumer

Saturday, May 24, 2008

Dear readers

Dear readers, today at McDonalds, I complain to my mom about the toys in the happy meal once again, adding that this is something "THE END CONSUMER" has already bitched about.

Mom, without missing a beat goes "the end consumer, what is that? I mean really? Is that a person ordering his own coffin?".

Yes, that is the real end consumer.

Ordering your own coffin is also a perfect metaphor for eating at McDonalds. Enjoy your happy meal!


Friday, May 23, 2008

Dear Eurocard

Dear Eurocard, I finally went ahead and cut my card to pieces.
It felt so responsible, so grown up. And embarrassing as the action itself was such a humiliatingly acute reminder of my lack of self control.

Both the ridiculous act with scissors and the many memories of things I've bought that maybe I shouldn't have but damn it felt good at the time.

For three weeks I've lived without a credit card. It's been going fine. But then today, I called all my friends and family, asking for a money transfer to buy a pair of pants I can't really afford. My love for shopping has not been diminished one bit by the card cutting. I blame the Eurocard, letting me grow used to the notion that I could buy anything whenever. Even on maternity leave, I deserved nothing less than A.P.C shoes and champagne.

Now I wonder, as your end consumer, if you could somehow take your part of the responsibility and lend me some cash. Just 'til Monday, promise.

PS. The way your card takes all trouble away in your new ad-campaign...all I can think is: cocaine.

Monday, May 19, 2008

Dear son

Dear son, I'm so happy parenting is finally paying off.
Like this morning when I asked for a hug, you said "sure thing, your highness".
That's all I ask for. A little TLC and a lot of R-E-S-P-E-C-T.

And that perhaps you would consider not hitting your sister in the head with a saw.
-your mother and end consumer.

Dear Spårvägsmuseet 2

Dear Spårvägsmuseet, thanks for putting on yet another great exhibition. This time - uniforms and clothes worn by men and women employed to work with public transportation in Stockholm.

For those of you poor suckahs who haven't yet made it down to Söder, let me guide you through the highlights.

You get to fulfill lifelong dreams - photographing yourself in ancient garb while neglecting your kids, left behind in a stroller:

You can see old footwear, up close:

You get to catch a glimpse of authentic "benläder". I think they might be called short chaps in English. The sign in the museum tells the visitor that there was no good reason for a bus driver in the 20's to wear such things, but they did anyhow, just because they wanted to look modern and fashionable:

A great day.
thank you!
-the end consumer

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Dear Filippa K

Dear Filippa K,

I spent a lot of today and the rest of the week buying and then returning items from your stores. A retarded way of living my life, defensible only of one considers the fact that all shopping and returning was made with the help of public transportation and no animals were harmed during the exchanges.

At one point I had almost bought a sheer white blouse and DRY CLEAN ONLY gold silk pants. HA HA HA! I don't have the money to buy that! I don't have the self control to wear that! My kids won't leave me stainfree!

But I was so close to being the woman who would and could!
Then I returned my items to the store and paid for stuff I really needed. In this case: a very, very expensive ceramic tooth to fill the void left by an unfortunate olive in Spain.

poor greetings
-the end consumer

Dear readers

Dear readers, remember a while back when I tried to save money and ended up spending way too much on crap I don't need? This is the doll I bought.

Dear PoP

Dear PoP, thanks for making it a lot easier to dress pirates on an everyday basis.

-the end consumer

Wednesday, May 7, 2008

Dear park authorities of Stockholm

Dear Stockholm park people, is this gate really meant to keep kids inside the park? Do you think that simply because they are Swedish, they are so law abiding they will not opt for the freedom offered to the right?

You offer parents a false sense of security.
But what's worse is that you make yourself look like idiots.

-the end consumer

Dear cake makers of Lidingö

Dear cake makers of Lidingö, the size of your birthday cakes is verging on the ridiculous.
-a still hungry end consumer and mother of newly minted 3-year old

Dear undertakers

Dear undertakers, the other day I walked by your fine store/shop/whatever you call your office.

You'd obviously put some effort into your display window, comparing funerals of today and yesteryear.



I can't help but feeling us poor suckers of today are missing out.
Not even a violin player! Just a measly little CD.
What are you trying to tell us with this display?

I don't understand you, but I think I like you.
-your mere mortal end consumer

ps. Yes, you LTMJ readers with great memories, it's the same place.

Dear Willy's

Dear Willy's, I love your current billboard.
For those of you who are not fluent in Swedish, allow me to translate the message:

"Lovely spring! Now, it's so easy to forget...hamburger buns!"

I work as a copywriter and I tell you, that copy is...marvelous! It's enigmatic and enticing and nuts.

I'm launching a spring campaign of my own.

Spring - causing hamburger bun amnesia since God knows when. ©

Pharmaceutical companies, get on the case. Surely there's something you can do. It's serious!

-the end consumer

Dear car sales people

Dear car sales people, I need a car that seats 5, often more, that's environmentally friendly, is fast, safe and beautiful. And affordable. And enduring.

What car would you recommend?

-your end consumer

Sunday, May 4, 2008

Dear secret force of the universe

Dear secret force of the universe, be it intelligent or just accident/chance or cause and effect, whatever you believe in, can we just agree that sometimes the best stuff in life is almost free, found in a veggie bag in your fridge.

Thank you!

Ps. Remember this?